I know adolescence sucks. I remember trying to be cool and popular and get the boys to like me, even at age 14 when I wasn’t even allowed to have a boyfriend. I know it sucks starting 9th grade in a new school where you’re the newbie and the seniors scare you, although I honestly don’t remember why. I do remember it sucked though. I’m not an antique, YET… But my husband and I do have rules and while my 14 year old daughter gets pretty much everything she wants, she just wasn’t allowed to start dating 1 on 1 yet. That was it. She’s really into sports so I actually believed her when she told me she didn’t yet care about boys. And, up until this year she was a great student. So I took her at her word on most things. Dumb. Very dumb.
But this Spring insanity overtook our home. Like something from the depths of Hell, puberty broke loose from it’s normal retraints and my daughter, my beautful, loving daughter starting lying. And lying, and lying some more and even lying about stuff she didn’t have to lie about! She would look me straight in the eye and tell me things, like she didn’t have a date to the shool dance and oh how angelic she looked when she did it. All the while of course she did have a date with some boy I never heard of. And guess what, if she had come to us and told us the truth, and we met the kid and if they were going in a group, we could have worked it out. But no…the lie was easier.
Then over the summer she lied about having a “Finsta.” If you don’t know what that is and you are a parent, find out. It’s a shadow Instagram account where they post what is “actually” happening in their lives. Not the account you follow…a secret one. And it takes some hacking to find. I found my daughter’s on accident. I found it because I found her best friend’s Finsta and of course with all the teenage stupidity that comes with the lying, comes my girl’s genius decision to follow her friend’s Finsta with her own Finsta, USING HER REAL NAME. Well the good news? There were no naked pictures and and a minimum of foul language, etc. Somewhat all to be expected I guess. Result: She lost her iPhone for a week and cried like we locked her in the dungeon for a month. But she swore up and down that was it…she would never lie again, especially about something as important as internet safety. I begged my husband to switch her to an Android so I could sufficiently monitor the phone (iPhones are notoriously hard to mangage…just ask the FBI). But he felt bad for her. SuperDad wanted her to have all the cool stuff and he believed her… “she’s a good kid,” he said “She won’t lie again.” Can I just say LOL MOFO!!!
Then just this week it all blew up. Since the start of the school year she’s gone from a straight A student to C’s and some B’s. So, she lost use of her phone again. So next, I found her on my younger daughter’s iPad. Using an app she has been expressly forbidden to use: SnapChat. BTW, if you think Finsta’s bad, SnapChat is a parent’s nightmare packaged as a free app. In that account (again my formerly brilliant child used HER OWN EMAIL ADRESS), I found that my daughter has no less than 3 different guys she “hangs” with, 2 of whom she snatched from her so-called friends who seem to not be willing to do anything about it. She’s 14 for God’s sake. I also found out she curses like my Dad who WAS AN ACTUAL TRUCKDRIVER. And the worst thing of all, for me anyway…in order to get attention from one of these boys, she was bitching about me. She was saying that because I have PTSD and depression, that I yell at her and take her phone and even though I apologize if I get very upset, it’s all just too much for her to handle.
You see, I told her all about my illness last winter so in case she started feeling sad or anxious she’d come to me and her dad about it. Instead I’m reading about it on the app from Hell. I’m surprised she didn’t take pictures of me when I was being cruel by making her empty the dishwasher, which is her only damned chore. I love my daughter, but I know depression and anxiety and she doesnt have either. She does have a huge case of hormones though. And she used me and my illness to get attention from this boy I never heard of, whom she’s been meeting behind our backs and from God only knows who else. Every Mom in the school probably knows I’m ill. Given my social anxiety, this is a very bad thing for me. The idea of spending time with any of these cliquey women (guess what… it’s the same in high school with the Moms as it is with the girls) had always caused me some anxiety but now, I’m getting panic attacks about it. And all because my daughter is boy crazy…and a Mean Girl apparently. She Mean Girl’ed me into bed for the last few days and I feel like I’m the one in 9th grade.
Without a tear, she apologized for hurting my feelings. You know when she did cry though? When she heard she’ll never see that damned iPhone again. Now I know what really matters.